Just last weekend I stood by my best friend’s side as she married the man of her dreams.
On November 11th, 2017 two families conjoined together to become one. It was certainly a day full of much love, sparkle, flowers, makeup, dresses and dancing. From waking up in the same hotel suite the morning of Katie and Andrew’s wedding, to dancing on the dance floor with just her and I (at one point towards the very end of the night), these kind of moments will always be what I hold onto and cherish.
Katie and I met while attending Cypress City College. During our first year there we found ourselves in the same music class! Even though we never had the chance to speak to each other that semester, we got the chance a year later when we found ourselves sitting right next to each other in a math class. Math just so happens to be both of our least favorite subject so right away we had something in common. It felt as though we became friends instantly. We started off texting and calling each other about questions we would have about our homework and after that we started hanging outside of class. Lunch and dinner dates became a must and then I would visit her family when they would camp during the long weekend holidays. After my second spine surgery her whole family (including Andrew) came to my house to visit. It was a few weeks post surgery so I was still in my hospital bed at home. As I laid there, they sat around me and we talked. From that moment on, I knew I would always have the support from Katie and her family.
I firmly believe God places people into our lives for an exact reason and purpose. I also believe that we are all connected in some way or another. From being in the same music class to sitting right next to each other in math we had no idea that our moms grew up in the same city, went to the same high school, attended the same college and went to school for the same exact occupation. They are both Adapted PE teachers and they are both excellent at what they do. It is amazing and a bit crazy how small this world actually can be.
Being a part of Katie and Andrew’s wedding day has made me super excited to one day have my own wedding. I would be lying if I said I didn’t go home and look up father-daughter songs or pinned wedding pictures on Pinterest. Whether or not I have already met the man who God has picked for me… I will be patiently waiting for when he will arrive into my life.
I have always known I wanted to get married and have children. Even though I don’t know what the future holds, I do know what I want. Needing something is a necessity and wanting something is a dream we hold in our minds that one day we hope to come true. I don’t need a man to make me happy and I don’t need a man to make me feel whole because I am already happy and feeling whole as a person. I want to share my love, have a forever wedding date and to have the support that comes with having a significant other. There is a quote in which I absolutely love and it says,
“Be alone. Eat alone, take yourself on dates, sleep alone. In the midst of this you will learn about yourself. You will grow, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs, your own stunning clarity, and when you do meet the person who makes your cells dance, you will be sure of it, because you are sure of yourself.”
Sometimes we get to caught up with always being with someone that we forget how to be by ourselves. We don’t know quiet. We know chaos and what it is like to always have someone to talk to. I challenge the world to get out of the crazy environment and go some place quiet. We need to settle our thoughts and calm our heart down to just enjoy time being alone. I am not afraid to say that I crave the noise and always being on the go. I crave the deep conversations, the laughs, talking and meeting strangers. I crave going from one place to the next with only fifteen minutes in between. Maybe it’s because it gets my mind off of the worries and facing reality? Maybe because I don’t like the thought of being by myself? We sit by our phones waiting for the next text that someone will send us. People tell me to stop always texting others first, but I want the text back. Maybe I want to know others care?
I may not know what the future holds but again I do know what I want. I know where I see myself in five or ten years. I know that in five years I see myself in a steady relationship or hopefully engaged and eventually married. I will own a house and will be already be settled in my career doing what I truly am passionate about… Social Work. I see myself becoming a “mommy” to precious babies and living a happy and healthy life.
When it comes to being in a relationship we are all attractive to a certain type of guy. While some may be attracted to brunettes, others are attracted to gym rats. While some are attracted to older or younger men or woman, others are attracted to shorter or taller. Whether you’d like to admit it or not we have a preference. Do we always end up with our “preference?” Absolutely not, but that is what makes God so spectacular. We may have a certain type of plan for our lives, but God always has a better one.
In all honesty if I had to give three words to describe a man in which I am attracted to it would be tall, dark, and handsome. Of course there are also certain qualities that I look for in a man. They must be trustworthy, faithfulness, have a sense of humor, be goal and family oriented, have self-confidence, always show a positive attitude, exc. I have gone out on countless number of dates and one has been broadcasted on a TLC show that showcases individuals, “Looking for love.” Each friend I associate myself with in public have been looked at differently because they decide to hangout with a “short girl.”
I already get stared at when I go out in public by myself and I can handle it because sadly at this point in my life, I have gotten used to it. When it comes to the people who I am with such as friends, dates or family members, don’t even begin to criticize them for being with me. I am very protective over “my people” and I guarantee you they are very protective over me. During the wedding my incredible wedding date over heard someone behind us say, “What is that short white girl doing with that tall black man?” Even though I didn’t hear them say this, he did so therefore my heart broke. He didn’t let me know what they had said until after the wedding which honestly in my eyes spoke volumes to who he is. He didn’t want me upset. He mentioned after the wedding how it is so obvious how many people stare at me (us) whenever we are together. He feels as if he wants to always say something to the person doing it, so I asked him how that situation makes him feel and he said that he always wants to call them out on it. He looks at me and sees how I handle it… I ignore it by walking the other way or a lot of the times I am not paying attention to them. I just continue to smile. He said that the first couple stares / comments he sees and hears are hard but he gradually gets use to them as well. Even though my heart still ached for him because of the fact that it’s not fair that he had to experience it… He never asked nor did he realize the first time he met me that this would happen every time I step foot outside. He embraced the situation and handled it really well and I hope the man who I am supposed to be with showcases those same strong qualities that my amazing wedding date showed.